


Music of the Heart

by wonderfulmax90



Category: Motionless in White (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-23 20:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulmax90/pseuds/wonderfulmax90
Summary: A transgender man learns to navigate love in the gay world all while attempting to get the love of his life to notice him for the man he is.





	1. Chapter One

“There are only a few things in this world that are truly important to me.” Vinny smiled and looked at me as we walked down the streets. I smiled and kept walking as we headed to the local Pride parade. It was my first time and I was heading down with Vinny to meet up with Ghost, who was already there with Kylie. Chris was on his way with Gaia as allies. Ricky was coming along, well with Ryan, they were the single ones with no one to really come with besides their friends. Josh was coming because he was feeling a bit down because of the whole breakup with Ryan Ashley. Vinny, Ghost and I were the only ones who were really going to Pride to be prideful of our gender or sexuality. We were also going to mourn those who were lost to old age, suicide or violence against them for being who they are. The rest were just allies coming to support the three of us.  
“Food, video games, Harvey and more food.” I smiled and answered Vinny as he took my hands in mine. I smiled and looked at the fingers intertwined with mine. My heart raced as he pulled me closer to him.   
“You know me so well, don’t you?” Vinny looked at me and smiled once more as we kept walking towards downtown. A trans flag was draped around my shoulders and the gay pride flag was on my cheek. Vinny wore a bisexual flag on his cheek as he walked down the street with me. We were almost there.   
“That’s what friends are for.” A twinge of sadness hit my chest as I looked at the more attractive man. The crush and holder of my heart could never really hear that I was in love with him. He would reject me as soon as he heard that I was in love with him. He was more into women than he was men, which was fine but I really wish I had a chance.   
We finally found the group after an hour of searching through the sea of happy people. Gaia clung to Chris as per usual, her hair in a ponytail. She wore a handmade shirt with the word ‘daddy’ across her chest. Bleach stains also did the same but all over her shirt. Of course, a smile that said ‘I’m going to make this day all about me’ was pasted on her face. Chris wore some shorts and a tank top, nothing out of the ordinary. Ghost was in a short black skirt and a tight shirt. His hair tousled like he had just woken up. Kylie had her arm around his waist and she smiled lightly. Josh smiled and fiddled with his hands as he held Pia lightly under her arm. Ryan was looking around nervously as per usual. Ricky held It underneath his arms. A bookmark was stuck halfway through the large novel.   
“You look great, the both of you.” Chris smiled at Vinny and I as he struggled to get out of Gaia’s grip.   
“Thank you, that means a lot coming from you.” I meant that considering that he was dating Gaia, though we all knew that was set up by management. Gaia smiled fakely as she pulled herself closer to her boyfriend. Chris smiled uncomfortably as he tried to look happily with the Juggalette.  
“What do you guys want to do while we wait for the parade to start?” Josh spoke up and smiled a forced smile, one he normally wore. At least one he worse ever since the breakup. I touched his hand and he actually smiled naturally for once.   
“I guess we could just talk for a bit, we haven’t been together in awhile. All of us together for the first time since…” I paused, shooting a look at Josh. We hadn’t been together since Josh got us all together to announce that he and Ryan Ashley broke up. He nodded and looked down lightly as I nodded back. He smiled and looked at me.   
“Well, there’s no new developments since we actually all last spoke. We aren’t really that much of an active group.” Ricky smiled and looked at his best friend. Ryan gave us a thumbs up and smiled, pulling the brim of his straw hat down a little bit. I smiled and giggled as the man looked around him. “Ricky and Ryan, you guys can leave if you want. I know this isn’t your kind of thing.” I smiled and looked at them as they smiled at me. Ricky nodded and headed through the crowd, Ryan following close behind him.  
“Why did you let them go? We were supposed to be together!” Gaia sneered as she looked at me. I looked down and hid behind Vinny.   
“They’re introverts. They don’t like being around people and being in large crowds. I don’t think this was the best meet up for them. I think they would love seeing us in a more comfortable situation to them.” I smiled fakely and looked at her, giving her the same condescending smile she was giving me.   
“They really should have stayed, supported you.” Gaia looked at me and tilted her head to the side a bit.   
“I already know they support me and this wonderful community. They don’t have to show up to a large parade to show their support.” Chris stroked Gaia’s arms as he tried to calm her down. She held a fake smile and her lower jaw locked.   
“Then why are the rest of us here?” Gaia asked as she balled her fists until her already pale knuckles were white.   
“If you don’t want to be here, then fine. I just thought you and Chris would find this interesting. To see Vinny, Ghost and I celebrate who we are as you guys do almost every day.” I whispered as I looked at the ground, fiddling with my hands.   
“I just think it’s funny how you think it’s fair that you let Ricky and Ryan go without incident but you keep us here.” Gaia snapped as she looked at me. I sighed, rolling my eyes and waving my hand to shoo her away.  
“Then go, I don’t really want to fight with my friend’s girlfriend over something stupid like this.” Chris gave me a sympathetic look before Gaia took his hand and tried to drag him away, but he stayed put.   
“I’m not leaving because I’m here to support my friends and bandmates. I don’t think it would be fair to leave just because Ricky and Ryan left. It’s not their kind of thing and I understand that. They are very introverted people and as Max said, they are not comfortable around large crowds. We don’t hold them to our extrovert or ambivert standards because they require a different level of patience and activity. But, if you want to go then go. I want to make sure my friends know I support them and they community they belong to. Plus, I think this new experience could be good for us. We could actually learn something.” Chris stood his ground and Gaia groaned in frustration. He handed her his keys and smiled lightly. She turned on her heel and walked away, towards the parking lot.  
“I don’t know what her deal is. You would think she would want to spend some time getting to know you considering the situation you two are in. That’s what Ryan Ashley did and she actually fell in love with Josh.” I said, looking at Josh as he nodded lightly.   
“What we felt was real and she just dumped me…” Josh whispered and looked at me. I nodded and looked at my feet.   
“Well she doesn’t want to get to know me so I don’t even want to try anymore.” Chris looked at me and sighed lightly as I turned to look at the people around us. They all looked so happy and their happiness radiated off of them.   
“Well let’s get off the sad and focus on the happy, we are here to celebrate our differences.” I smiled and looked at him.   
The rest of the day went without incident and we actually enjoyed ourselves without Gaia around. We watched the parade from our spot but I was to short to see so Chris lifted me onto his shoulders. It was nice of him and he wouldn’t have done it if there were other people were behind us. He didn’t like doing that so other people couldn’t see. But since there weren’t people standing behind us, he didn’t mind lifting me up. I was hesitant to actually let Chris lift me up. I wasn’t a small man. I was decently heavy compared to Gaia, the only one Chris tended to lift up like this. So I wasn’t sure on how he was going to handle my weight. But after he insisted on doing it, I was okay with it. From atop his shoulders, I could see the parade which was just as beautiful as I had envisioned.   
After the parade, Ghost met up with some drag queens and kings to give them his information so that he could get more work at gay clubs. Chris let Vinny paint his face and I went around taking some photos. Josh clung to my side most of the time and mostly just got hit on by some people. He turned down a few men but got some numbers from a few of them. Said he wanted to see how this all went down. I made him promise that he wouldn’t lead any of these men on and to let them know he was experimenting. We stayed until almost everyone was gone. From there we went to lunch at a local diner.   
“That was really cool. I felt a little uncomfortable with some of it but it was nice to get out of my comfort zone.” Considering Chris wasn’t the most muscular guy, I assumed what made him uncomfortable was seeing all of the muscular men parading around in barely anything.   
“Yeah, thanks for inviting us Max, it was really cool.” Josh smiled and ate some of his food. I nodded and smiled lightly as I looked at the man.   
“You guys are welcome back at anytime. Everyone seemed to love you.” Ghost smiled and placed an arm around my shoulders. I blushed lightly and smiled lightly as he looked at me. I heard Vinny growl lightly but brushed it off.   
“Maybe a little too much sometimes.” Chris smiled and looked at us as we laughed a bit. A lot of men started to hit on Chris for some less than favorable propositions. It wasn’t funny when it was happening but it was definetly funny now.   
Once the meal was finished, everyone began saying their goodbyes. Ghost would head back to California with Kylie. Chris and Gaia would head off to Arizona for some photoshoots. Vinny was heading across the state for a bit. For what, I don’t know. Josh would have to go back to running the shop and taking care of the little puppies. I smiled and looked at the men happily. They all looked at me and smiled lightly, a tinge of sadness in my eyes. I would be all alone now with no friends.   
“I guess this is goodbye.” Chris held my arms in his hands and smiled, kissing the top of my head. I giggled and looked down, blushing slightly. He gave me a pat on the back before leaving the diner. The rest of the men followed suit and I was the last one to leave the diner.


	2. Chapter Two

I walked into the apartment and smiled lightly. I was home and that was the best thing I could ever ask for. Looking around I figured that Sammie was out for the day. That or she was at work for the close shift. Either way I was home alone. That was until I was called out for work if someone needed me. I babysat or dogsat for some people and people tended to be unpredictable sometimes. So I never knew when I was going to be called in.   
“Max, I have to talk to you.” Jenny walked in, tears coming down her face as she looked at me. I looked at her and cocked my head to the side.   
“What happened?” I looked at her and more tears fell out of her eyes. She swallowed and looked at me once more, composing herself.  
“I got fired today and now I’m out of a job.” Jenny swallowed once more and looked at me. I sighed and looked at her.  
“It’s okay,” I grabbed her shaking body and lead her to the couch. “I will help you find a job. It will all be okay.”   
Jenny nodded and looked at me, “I just feel so fucking worthless. You’ve been pulling so much of my dead weight that it doesn’t seem fair to you.”  
I sighed, rolling my eyes. This wasn’t the first time I had heard that. But instead of taking pity on her, I just got tired and really wanted to slap her. In fact, I had heard the same wording hundreds of times over the past few months. It wasn’t bad but the whole thing just weighed on my mind a lot and it just made me feel so bad. I didn’t want to be her whole support system and her only friend. I had tried to get her to come with me to hang out with the guys in Motionless but she never wanted to go with me. Ryan was her weak point and she would be so nervous to be around him. But I tried every time they were around to get her to come with me and one day she would be able to be with him.   
“I will be fine. We will be okay and I can always pick up some more hours for writing while you look for a job. It won’t be much of a problem.” I smiled and looked at her as she smiled at me lightly, tear stained cheeks turning a bit red.   
I held her close and she cried lightly. She held me close, squeezing tightly as I looked at her. I hated seeing my best friend so fucking hurt. I knew she put her life into that draining cashier job. She had gotten so many blisters from being on her feet all day. I saw her come home late from her night shift only to get up less than two hours later to go into her morning shift. I saw her barely get a day off and work on some holidays. In a way, I was kind of glad she got fired. This was a new beginning for her.   
A knock at the door broke us away from our little talk. I smiled and looked up, getting up to go over to the door. I opened it up and smiled at the men in front of me. Ryan blushed slightly and Ricky waved awkwardly. My smile widened as I looked at them. Ricky smiled back and I turned so that they can come in. Jenny shot up out of her seat and smiled at Ryan. She smiled lightly and blushed as well. Ricky looked at me and smiled lightly as I looked at him.   
“What brings you two here? I thought you were going home.” I looked at the two men and Ryan shrugged lightly as he looked at Jenny. Jenny blushed once more as she sat back down.   
“Our car broke down and now it’s in the shop. It will only take a few hours and we decided to drop by since you were close.” Ricky nodded and sat down on the couch. I smiled and looked at the new comfortable man.   
“Well you better be sure that this will only take a few hours. We don’t have the room to house you both. All we have is the couch and our beds.” I turned and looked at Jenny. She was blsuhing wildly as she looked at Ryan. Ryan smiled awkwardly back at her.   
“We’re sorry to intrude but you were so close and we had nowhere else to go. Plus there really isn’t much around here to do.” Ricky looked down and picked up one of our cats to pet him. I smiled reassuringly and looked at Ricky.   
“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes and chuckled lightly as he smiled up at me. I strode over to him and sat on his lap after Carl (our cat) jumped out of Ricky’s lap. He smiled and looked at me, looking at me. Even though Ricky was super hella straight, the two of us tended to be pretty flirty with each other.   
“Well someone has a bit of confidence sitting in my lap.” I smiled and rolled my eyes again, looking at Jenny. Her and Ryan were talking to each other. She was blushing a lot and she was smiling a lot. Jenny had a nice smile and I could tell that she was smiling truthfully. She smiled and touched Ryan’s arm lightly. He didn’t recoil like most guys did when she did touched them which was nice. I smiled and turned back to Ricky.   
“Yeah, do you have a problem with that?” I cocked my head to the right slightly and smiled lightly at him. Ricky shook his head and smiled lightly, hands on my waist.   
“No, not at all. You know how flirty I get when I’m with you.” I smiled and looked at him as he touched up my body. He kept feeling me over and looking at me. He gave me a smile and I looked back at me.   
“You want to do what, Ryan?” Jenny said quite loudly as I smiled over my shoulder to look at the pair. Ryan blushed a deep red when he caught eyes with me. I smiled more and looked at him, nodding slightly.   
“I-I-I want to take you on a date, Jenny. You’re a really nice girl and I want to get to know you even more and I want to take you out on a date.” Ryan smiled lightly and Jenny wrapped her arms around his shoulder. I smiled and looked at Ricky once more. He smiled and kissed my chest lightly.   
“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Of course I want to go on a date with you.” Jenny smiled happily as she hugged him lightly.   
“So we’ve graduated to kissing now? When did that happen?” I asked, looking at Ricky. He shrugged and kept kissing my chest until he got to my collarbones. Then he bagn nipping at the skin there. I smiled and looked at him happily. He smiled and looked up at me.   
“Why are you so freaking handsome?” He asked me as he looked up at me. I shrugged and looked down at him. He smiled and looked back down.   
“I don’t know. I don’t think that I really am handsome.” I smiled lightly and felt Ricky looking at me. He gave me another smile and looked back down, fiddling with the ring on his finger. I leaned down and kissed his cheek, smiling happily.   
~  
After Ricky and Ryan left, Jenny went to go make dinner. Normally it was my turn to make dinner since she was supposed to be at work. She sat making tacos as she smiled happily. I giggled lightly and helped her out. She was so happy to be asked out by Ryan. I could really tell that she was. The smile on her face was so wide I think that her face hurt. I smiled and looked at her as I walked into my bedroom. Jenny kept making dinner and called me in when she was done. I smiled and looked at her as we sat down next to her.   
“So, you seem pretty happy about the fact that Ryan asked you out.” I said looking at her while I made my taco. She smiled and looked at me, her smile growing wider by the second.   
“Yeah, it’s made my entire day to be honest.” Jenny smiled and looked at me happily as I smiled lightly.   
“How would you feel about going on a vacation?” I asked, not even knowing where I got the idea from. Jenny smiled and looked at me. A smile appeared on my face as well as I looked at her. She nodded lightly and went back to eating.  
“Of course, we could call up the guys and head down to California or something. Spend a week or two at a resort or something. Since they just came off of tour I’m sure they’d love the thought. Maybe they’d even write a few more songs.” I nodded and looked at her, going back to eating a bit.


	3. Chapter Three

I moved about the room and smiled a bit. We had called all of the guys last night after dinner and made plans to meet most of them at the airport. Devin and Kylie would pick us up at LAX since they had already flown back. Since my job could come with me wherever I had internet, I could take the time off. We were packing today and rushing around the apartment trying to find the rest of what we needed. We had spent most of the night making sure we had planned out most of the two week vacation we were taking with Motionless. Our next door neighbors were happy to take care of our cats. Jenny gave me a smile as she finished packing. I did the same and she looked at me. Now we waited Ryan and Ricky to pick us up. We had made it with moments to spare as Ricky honked his horn from outside and we headed outside.   
“Hey guys, thanks for offering up a vacation. It was such a good idea. I can’t believe you found tickets that fast too. It must be crazy this time of year too.” Ricky commented after we put our suitcases in the trunk. I buckled my seatbelt and nodded a bit.   
“Yeah, we were really lucky to find seven seats on the same plane in the summer to one of the most popular tourist parts.” I smiled as Ricky drove off to the airport where we were to meet Vinny, Chris and Gaia as they were coming from the other side of the city. I smiled and looked over at the guys in front of me.   
~  
It took a few hours to get to the airport and through security. It was a little tiring but we made it and met up with the other guys. Gaia still looked like she didn’t want to be here. I didn’t know if it was me that she was annoyed with or the relationship she was more annoyed with. She always seemed all annoyed whenever I was with her. I sighed and looked down, hoping I was able to make her happy at least once on this vacation. Chris looked at her and sighed lightly as Gaia tapped her foot on the ground angrily. Ricky and Ryan began to set up some of our carry on bags in one spot where we would sit later if we got tired of standing up. I sighed and looked down a bit.   
“You are going to love this vacation, Gaia. I know you’ll love the shopping in Southern California.” I smiled and attempted to make small talk with her. She looked down and avoided eye contact with me.   
“I know that I’m going to love the shopping in Southern California. I have been there before with some of my friends.” She looked at her nails and checked them for any chips. I nodded and looked down a bit as I stopped my talking. Ricky placed a hand on my shoulder.   
“She’s just being a little bitch about this whole trip. She can’t just really do anything with Chris. She doesn’t seem to make any attempt to be with him or know him. I know she’d rather be with her friends than Chris.” I sighed and leaned into him unhappily.   
“I know but she doesn’t have to make it so obvious that she doesn’t like him.” I whispered back and Ricky kissed me on the top of my head. I smiled and looked down a bit as I tried to also avoid eye contact with Gaia.  
“Well I’m sure management will get on her ass if she doesn’t make an attempt to make this relationship be believable.” Ricky turned and whispered into my ear, his back to Gaia so she couldn’t read his lips.   
“I don’t know much about how your management is handling things. If I were them, I would step in and make sure she’s acting up to par because right now she seems like a huge fucking bitch.” I whispered, shooting a look at Gaia. She was looking at her nails still and not paying us any mind.   
“Yeah, like kicking her to the curb. I mean, I hate having her and Kylie up on stage with us. We are a perfect enough band on our own.If we just played like we are on our own, we would be selling our more shows. I’ve seen people complaining about them and saying they won’t come to shows any more since Kylie and most importantly, Gaia. I wish Gaia would just fucking let go of this fame game. She doesn’t need to be up there and even Kylie is getting tired of Gaia being on stage. Kylie, I really am fine with because she only came out for a song or two. Maybe even not at all, she was just kind of there for moral support. Gaia wants everyone on stage at all times and she wants Kylie to do more and more. Kylie lost her job at the coffee shop she works at.” I looked at him and nodded lightly.   
“I can hear you two talking about me.” Gaia rolled her eyes and looked at me. I sighed and looked down a bit. I stepped behind Ricky and sighed, hiding from her. Ricky sighed as well and kept me behind her.   
~  
As soon as we all landed in California, we waited at LAX for Ghost and Kylie to come meet with us. I smiled lightly and walked around the group, making sure everyone had their bags and rightfully belongings. Ryan was putting on sunscreen while Ricky went on about mind control or something about the sunscreen. Gaia was looking around, bored out of her mind. Chris looked pretty happy to be here. Jenny looked at me and smiled, looking over at Ryan. Ryan smiled and looked at her, winking. She blushed profusely and smiled lightly. We waited about thirty minutes or so before Ghost and Kylie to come. When they did come, it took us at least fifteen minutes get to where they were parked. We loaded our bags into the back of the van Ghost had rented so that we didn’t have to take two cars. Gaia and I sat far away from each other, probably for the best.   
“I’m glad you guys decided to come out here. I’m sure you’ll love the resort we chose.” Kylie smiled and looked at us. Ghost was driving and Kylie was sitting up front next to him. She helped us out with choosing the best resort near all of the shopping centers and tourist traps we wanted to go to. I smiled and looked back at her. At least she was more tolerable than Gaia.  
“I’m glad we decided to come out here. We all needed some time off and I kind of wanted to spend some more time with my loves and my friends.” I blushed lightly and they smiled as I looked at them.  
“Well, I am glad you chose us to be with you on vacation, isn’t that right Gaia?” Chris nudged his girlfriend and she groaned.   
“Of course, we’re very lucky to be on this vacation with you. It was very generous for you to ask us to come with you.” Gaia smiled fakely and went back to looking at her nails.   
“Maybe we can go get our nails done or something, Gaia.” I offered and looked at the woman. She barely glanced at me before she turned back to her nails.   
“I don’t think a tomboy like you would want to get your nails done.” Gaia sneered as I tried to hold back my anger.   
“I am not a tomboy, but I am a man just like Chris. Nail polish has no gender and I would like to at least get a top coat or something done to my nails. They’re in dire need of some attention and I would like you to come with me, if that’s not interfering with your busy schedule.” I glared at her and she glared back.   
“I have a few photoshoots, I’ll see if it fights.” I nodded and Chris smiled lightly as he looked at me. I smiled and looked down lightly. We kept going down the road until Kylie pulled into the resort.   
We got to the resort and got out of the car. Most of us, any one that wasn’t Gaia, got their bags out of the car before Kylie went to go park and Ghost went to get our keys. Kylie was back before Ghost and we waited for him to come out. Once he got out and gave us our keys, we went to go unpack our bags. I was sharing a room with Ricky. Ryan and Vinny shared an attached room with us. Gaia got her own room, a suite given to her by the pageant that was being held in town because she was also judging it. Chris and Jenny shared a room which was across the hall from the rest of us. Ghost and Kylie shared the attached room, which was next to Chris and Jenny’s room. After we all unpacked we decided to go to all go to the pool.  
I wore a shirt and a pair of board shorts. Most of the guys, everyone except for Ghost and Vinny, just wore board shorts. Even though they were paler than a piece of paper. Kylie wore a bikini, nothing fancy. Jenny said she was too fat to come and stayed inside to read a book. Gaia wore a fancy, intricate bikini and stayed underneath an umbrella to kept her pale complection. Gaia didn’t seem interested in even being here. She was just here for the publicity and fame.   
“Want to come in and cool off, Gaia?” Chris yelled from the pool. Gaia barely glanced up from her magazine and shook her head.   
“Max, you want to come in?” Ricky smiled and looked at me. He had just gotten in to take a break from reading. It was rare to see but I liked it. If he could get in, I could get in. I smiled and nodded, getting up from my seat. He smiled and giggled as I jumped into the deep end of the pool. Ricky smiled and looked at me, his smile brighter than the sun.   
“I am glad you decided to get into the pool.” Chris smiled and looked at me as I came up to the surface.   
“Thanks. It feels really good.” I smiled and looked down a bit before I looked over my shoulder. Kylie wore a smile as her and Ghost cuddled on a chair. Gaia looked disgusted and sighed as she shook her head.  
“It really does. Hey, do you want to maybe go out to dinner tonight?” Ricky smiled and looked at me, blushing lightly.   
“Really? You want to go to dinner with me?” I asked looking at the man in front of me. He nodded and looked down, blushing even more. He smiled and looked back up at me as I smiled widely.   
“Yeah, I want to go to dinner with you and you can say no if you want, it’s just an idea.” I smiled once more and smiled a bit.   
“Yeah, I’ll think on it a bit but I’ll let you know a bit later okay?” Ricky nodded and looked at me, smiling.


End file.
